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ŠJuly 1997
The following is a bit of alternative fiction based on certain characters from the Xenaverse. It is not meant to infringe on anyone else's rights. If you don't agree or disapprove, please go read something else.
Okay, people, fair warning. This is WAY WAY out there in alternative reality land, and I know it. This, my friends is a piece of Fiction, but oh, what fun fiction. Hope you enjoy.
So I found myself in California, and thought I blended in quite well with the rest of the hardcore nutball Xenites who were attending the convention. There was even a rumor that the shy Renee would be attending. Though there was no guaranteeing. She hardly ever did these functions. I even met some net friends (one of whom was a descendent of the people too). I could tell it was going to be a good time.
I spent my hours patrolling booths and rooms, I even looked in on the artroom and saw my piece settled on the middle of the table between a few smaller pieces, some of which were obviously done by kids. I also saw something so beautiful that it made my heart ache, and I knew there was no way mine would even place. It was Xena of course. The statue I mean. It is kind of hard to describe, but I guess you've seen the newspaper clippings. I'm not sure what made the difference, if it was the pose, or the smoothness, or simply the facial expression which spoke of such longing and forbearance that I could hardly look at it without tears coming to my eyes. I had to leave the room, and gulped back my disappointment. There was no way. You see, I had things figured.
This competition, was in a way a set up. They all are. Sure the judges try to be fair, but there is always bias and this was about show selling as much as it was about audience participation. The way I figured it, the actress would pick one kid's piece, one middling piece, because there were several, and that marvelous construction which had my friends asking if I'd tried to peel an onion. I wasn't that worried or concerned. I'd sent mine in fun anyway and it had given me an excuse to show up.
It was coming close to the time when the stars stand up and do their schtick and then after that the art judging would be held. I decided to go watch our hero friends catch some questions, dodge some others, and toss back sassy answers or whatever. Now, I think any true Xenite has seen the before and after pictures of the actress, Lucy, who plays Xena. I'm sure of it. We know that she was blonde and dyed her hair. We know that she has blue eyes and fair skin. We know that she's not as tall as she appears on TV. We also know she doesn't usually do the costume thing when appearing on stage.
Well she didn't do the costume thing this time either, but boy she sure looked tan and her hair seemed, I dunno, thicker, a little more curly? It was kind of hard to describe. She looked and didn't look the same as when she did those ET interviews. It wasn't what I expected. I don't think any of us expected it, but we all went nuts anyway. She smiled easily at our enthusiasm and gave out the yell (you know the one) and then things got really started.
You know, when you're in the audience, and the people making those speeches or whatever are doing the eye scan. You know about that? They move their head from left to right or whatever and pause momentarily to look at the back of someone's head or something, so that there is a sense that they are really looking at you. Well I had that moment. Lucy was responding to some question, and it totally slips my mind because I lost track of it, when her blue eyes seemed to settle on me. Now I know logic says that it couldn't have been. That I was just some audience person. But I felt as if I'd had an electric jolt sail right through my body and out of my pores and she had that same look that I'm sure that I had, a kind of startled surprise. Unlike me, however, she masked her response and went on as if nothing had happened, so I became convinced that it had been a figment of my imagination.
I couldn't concentrate after that, so I missed Hudson's response which had everyone laughing, and I thought if I was gonna miss that I might as well not be there. I decided to go to the other presentation room early and get settled in. Other people seemed to have the same idea and were congregating up front. Personally, after that jolt experience I thought I'd better stay in back.
Not that it mattered. It happened again anyway.
Lucy was on stage, smiling and nodding, examining the artworks quite seriously, invoking laughter at one of the, uhm, racier pieces with a skin sells joke, when she looked at the back and spotted me again. I think. Anyway it was the same electrical pull thing and I didn't know what to do. Obviously I had it bad. That was the only thing I could think. I mean it was patently ridiculous of me to consider myself even in any sort of personal one on one situation to begin with. I gave her one of those grins that said, hey, I saw you but I have no idea what the hell is going on and then decided that it was time for me to skeedaddle as soon as I could. There was a part of me that didn't even want to spend the night in town any more, I was so spooked.
But that didn't happen either.
Nor did she do what I expected with the artworks. Some kid got to spend all the rest of the day with her, the beautiful piece was picked second and another one, the skin sells one, was picked third. I guess this worked. The audience was happy, the kid was ecstatic and the show went on. I, on the other hand, got handed a key to a room.
Okay, so let me explain. I was well on my way to the outside world, except I got stopped at one of those autograph signing tables because that net friend of mine signaled me over. He was waiting to get Autolycus signature (well, actually you know, the actor guy, Bruce Campbell?) anyway, so I was like okay, I'll wait with you. And I had a pretty good time standing in line, when this woman comes up to me and slips me a key and tells me to be at that room tonight. My net friend, who shall remain nameless, gave me all sorts of grief about it and didn't believe me when I told him it was a total stranger. Still, my interest was piqued and I looked at the keycard. It was for a totally different hotel. A very swanky one at that. I showed my net friend the card and it was he who convinced me that I ought to go.
I couldn't say I was really opposed to the idea, and that lady had seemed beautiful enough and besides, it would be rude not to at least return the key, so I decided my net friend was right. I spent some more time at the convention, now that my heart had slowed down some and my evening looked like it was going to be more interesting.
Of course, by going to the hotel, I missed out on the excitement. Apparently ROC did indeed show up or at least someone who looked a lot like her. Apparently she was bound and gagged and being dragged around by someone who looked a lot like Hudson, though my friends swear that Hudson was doing the autograph thing at the same time, so it couldn't have been her. Everyone thought it was just a promotional thing. The audience loved it, and the Callisto lookalike even bowed. She even got a bunch of kisses from some of the hardcore Callisto fans. That took her by surprise and the Gabrielle lookalike almost got away, but not quite. This made the fans even wilder. My net friend saw everything and he said that he saw the blonde yank the red head over and tell her, "See, everybody loves me here."
I will tell you the truth, when I entered the hotel I felt as out of place as a turkey at a peacock farm. It wasn't that I was the only one in casual dress, but I could practically smell the scent of wealth around me. Still, I decided there was no reason for me to avoid the experience and I caught the elevator up.
ŠJuly 1997