The following is a bit of alternative fiction based on certain characters from the Xenaverse. It is not meant to infringe on anyone else's rights.
A few months later I'd forgotten all about the spilled pills and the little incident with phone. I'd started carrying a compact little cell phone, purchased by the good graces of the company, around with me at all times. I thought a pager would be less expensive, but Solarnov had been blunt when she personally handed me the new phone and the new deck of business cards. "Your phone was reported out of service and we don't like to be out of contact." Her face had done a funny little twitch thing at the eyebrow, and then she'd vanished through my office door.
So there.
What I didn't forget, however, was my vision of Joni that night. I remembered it for several reasons. One, it was unforgettable in its power, and two, I found two frames (the color of wood brown eyes) which matched the photos in my purse exactly. They now sat upon my desk where I could look at them and contemplate the strange twists of my reality and who my friends were. And finally, Joni didn't let me forget.
I don't think I could have born it if Joni had ignored me the way I thought she would. I thought she'd simply forget my presence, or avoid me. At first I could envision her marching past me as if I didn't exist, because I was so sure that I'd just imagined everything. She didn't do that to me, but the situation still remained tense between us.
My blonde almost lover didn't actively seek me out, but she didn't avoid me either. When she had a message for me, or an injunction to "EAT something Damn it!" she would send someone to pass it on, but I knew she was watching me. The thought was comforting. Sometimes she would send Ephiny, the one I'd known as Ms. Curly, with the message. Sometimes she sent Solarnov. Always she watched out for me, knowing things about myself, often before I did.
Like my coworkers, who seemed to *live* in the building, I became totally involved with the project. It was far more interesting than I'd anticipated and I just sometimes forgot to eat,to sleep. Eventually I ordered a long deep couch and some blankets to fill an unobstructed corner and we used that when we didn't want to go home. The local take out joints were making a fortune on us until Joni, herself, came in and demanded we start using the refrigerator that the company had provided. Someone started stocking the thing with food and we started "eating right."
She was also the motivating force in my finally approaching the gym. It wasn't that I really wanted to, but I found out the times that she was present, by sheer accident, and I took it into my head to be where she was. I was, as far as I knew, still under the injunction to not speak or touch, but she'd said NOT a word about look, and I had every intention of soaking up the nuances that made her...her.
At first, it wasn't a regular practice of mine to show up at the gym at all. I still had the residual experiences and shyness of my earlier experiences to hold me back. But Joni was there, so I plowed on. I showed up once for about fifteen minutes the first week. Then twice the second, and Pony herself got a hold of me and the next thing I knew I had a "regimen."
Me!
In a way, I was grateful. Pony, as intimidating as I'd seen her be with others, was actually ...gentle..if you could call it that.. with me. I mean, she was stern, but she wasn't like my gym teacher who thought laps would cure any ill. The General gave me some goals to shoot for and told me some basics about how stuff worked and then set me loose. I arranged things so I had maximum "watch" time, when Joni was there. She appointed spotters for me, Ephiny and Solarnov. They would switch days. One day it would be Ephiny doing the slow count for me as I grunted past the stomach crunches (gods....you know they tell you that your body would thank you for it, but mine sure didn't, at first. I ached everywhere those first weeks. Then I got to liking the ache. . .) The next it would be Solarnov helping me with the chinups.
I had to give up competing with anyone else, in any sort of way. The security people were buff and Joni could crank out hundreds while I was groaning out ten. (Or so it seemed to me) But with others there, who weren't making fun of me, (though I did have my paranoid moments where I thought they might be...) I found it easier to be there myself.
I began to appreciate that this was my "time." I found my mind would separate a bit from the count, to think. There was a surprising clarity, brought on by blood flow, I'm sure. Some of the best innovations came to me, either early in the morning when I'd actually gotten some sleep, or during the workout. I started carrying a pad to write on, all the time. Then when Ephiny saw that I was slowing down, *she* started carrying the pad, and writing when I spouted off another harebrained notion to pass by the guys...
Joni was power incarnate, to me. She could lift, pull, move so quickly it took my breath away, punch, kick, spin, and wriggle with such grace that I wanted to be the one pinned under the mat. It was fun to watch her, even through the sweat. The power of her made me smile, and it turned me on, which during exercise was its own reward. I was often sliding back to work, after my shower.
I guess I was hoping that she would see me as well. But, given that I was still beginning, I figured there wasn't much for her to see. Meanwhile, I let go of the notion that Joni might notice me while I was there and just enjoyed the show.
I was so proud of myself when I actually got my chin past the bar, by myself. Even after getting a Masters, after struggling through school, after everything, I think that may have been my greatest achievement, since I was so far away from it to start. Of course, all I counted was one. But it was *MY* one. Solarnov, that wonderful tough, gave me a high five and looked like she could hug me, though she didn't.
So I was bending over, my back naked, but shorts and and bra still on, untying my shoes, when I felt a pressure of a hand on my back. I felt sparks all the way down to my toes, and the only reason I didn't arch back abruptly was that I didn't want to move. I wanted to feel.
I'd gotten to know her scent. I could track her smell from anywhere in the gym. And she was here. Touching me in the hollow. My back, of its own accord, pushed up against her hand and it felt like a kiss to me, infinitely sweet. My heart started pounding lightly, and I pulled up slowly, trying not to lose contact.
I found myself looking up, into the deepness of her eyes. "Good job," she said, not smiling. I wondered if she could feel the line that connected us, if she could feel the way the energy screamed through my body. I wondered . . .what would happen next.
Part of me rejoiced. She'd been keeping count. "Thank you," I said, trying to keep my voice even. We held each others' vision for another long moment, and I yearned to kiss her. Then her hand dropped away and caused me an agony. I could have felt that one touch forever.
I don't think I missed a day of exercise after that.
But exercise and good eating habits didn't prevent the episodes from happening. I sort of forgot about seeing Dr. Gabrielle, once I got involved with the project. I lost myself to it, and yet... even though there were times I knew my soul disappeared from the planet, I always came back. I knew that I had someone to come back for.
I'd find myself cocooned on that couch, while Jeffrey and Bradford did their thing. They took it all in stride, smiling at me anyway. I didn't know if it was them who did the honors, or simply whoever was handy. Sometimes it seemed I could remember an electric touch calling me back from those deep places. Again, I wondered and heard the question in my mind, "Do you dream about me?" I felt the answer obvious and I wondered, "Did *she* dream about *me?*"
When we passed each other in the hallway, Joni, the security chief, would give me a thin-lipped glance and narrow those fine expressive eyebrows of hers. I think we both felt the heat of our desire thrill through us at those times. I quiveringly obeyed her injunction not to touch or talk,mostly. Sometimes I did say hello, but you can bet I allowed myself to look. I was hungry for her. So I watched her every time I passed her, trying to absorb with all my senses the way she moved and breathed.
I doubt it was any great secret that I hankered for her. Now doubt security cameras had caught me wanking in the bathroom after some of our encounters. Some smart kid could associate the two, I'm sure. But I could bet that no one knew how much she wanted me in return. It was in those piercing glowering looks she gave me.
They promised a time. . .they promised someday. I needed her terribly and I believed, now, that she also ached with as ferocious an intensity. It was as if, if I waited patiently enough, she would indeed take me into her den and have me. Somehow, knowing that she wanted me as much as I wanted her, made it all easier to bear.
I never quite got around to asking her what happened to the pills.
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ŠJuly 1998
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