03/27/98
There is a plot afoot. Yes, there is. I have come across two writers that MUST be in cahoots to turn me into a Janice and Mel fan. I had been steadfast my friends, but they have seduced me. First, I stumbled upon Vivian Darkblooms THE SECRET HISTORIES (actually All The Colors of The World, but Ill explain momentarily) which rocked my J&M-less world. And then, as I lie badly wounded, CL Bactads SOUTHERN COMFORT must have smelled fresh blood, charging in for the kill!
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A very, very short synopsis: Mel and Janice pick up where they left off in ALL THE COLORS OF THE WORLD, which is basically in Europe at the end of the WWII. They would be happy as clams if they didn't have relationship issues, secrets, and a blonde who is itching to give them trouble.
What's that? You say you're looking for someone who really knows her way around paper and quill? Look no more--this is your bard! The second installment of her Janice and Mel story, it follows up to ALL THE COLORS OF THE WORLD. You may know her already for her Uber Classic "The White Trash Trilogy", which, believe me, is a whole n'other review. Suffice it to say, the wisecrackin' parody she shows herself to be so adept at, that alone, is enough to be impressed by this writer.
It is possible to read this second installment without having read ALL THE COLORS OF THE WORLD but once you do, my guess is that you'll clamor for the first part. I'm not a huge fan of J&M stories normally, can't say why, I've just never been particularly drawn to them, but Darkbloom's characters are so well rounded, so sympathetic, and yet resist sentimentality. Her humor is still here, but the subtlety of it couldn't be more on the money. And she does a BRILLIANT job humanizing the character/archetype of Callisto! This Uber version of Callisto manages to be colorful and three dimensional at the same time. For me, Darkbloom's writing tends to have a classical air; yet, she maintains this fabulous contemporary feel mostly through her character's humor and pathos. In this passage, we see that Janice isn't too thrilled to be stationed in an old drafty castle. Her co-worker, however, is thrilled and will do anything to get the reticent Janice to open up:
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"What are you talkin' about? This place is a total kick. You've seen those chairs downstairs, right? The ones you sit on and water shoots up your ass?"
"Yeah," she said dourly, recalling the big wet stain on the seat of her khakis.
"Can you not love a guy that wild?" He spread his arms wide. "This is like a fairy-tale castle. Ludwig was crazy enough-and rich enough-to indulge his dreams. Didn't you have those daydreams when you were a kid, where you were a princess in the castle, waiting to be rescued by a brave knight?"
"No, did you?"
"Sure, I did!" he agreed enthusiastically.
"Oh, so you wanted to be a princess?"
She laughed as he scowled. "Very funny, Covington."
"I was never much of the princess type," she added.
Talk about stating the obvious, he thought. "Yeah. You're the brave knight, rescuing and schtupping the princess..." *
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I love Darkbloom's use of language. I think it's most effective because of its simplicity. No pyro-technics, just language that is crisp, every word a necessity. She is the type of writer that will make you read a sentence more than once, not because you don't comprehend but because the phrase is so well turned. She is truly a delight to read, not a sentiment to be bandied around lightly. Here's a romantic Darkbloom moment:
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Janice was sitting alone in the room, in a hard wooden chair near the window. At Mel's entrance she stood up with such abruptness that the sudden motion sent the chair clattering, falling on its side; and the slender young archaeologist, nerves already on edge, jumped aside with a startling grace. There was all sorts of potential in that movement, Mel thought. Maybe she could've been a dancer. For a fleeting moment the Southerner was amused at the thought of Janice Covington as a ballerina. Smoking a cigar, in a tutu.... Janice was staring at the chair as if it had bitten her, then she turned those absinthe eyes to Mel.
Later, Mel would not remember who made the first move. A soft cry barely escaped her, the noise strangled in her throat, and they were moving toward each other, and the sensations began, soothing and arousing simultaneously: arms around her waist, the flutter of an eyelash brushing against her throat, then the soft firm lips pressing against a hollow of her neck, strong hands sliding up her back, and the voice, disembodied, quiet, yet so loving and passionate: "My joy. My beloved." Janice Covington was saying mushy things to her! Was hell freezing over?
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A few kisses and endearments later:
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In an awkward dance, Janice maneuvered them against a wall, never breaking the kiss, yet all the while receiving frantic warnings from her brain: Those stupid French broads might come back here at any minute. She felt Mel's hands groping under her thick sweater, untucking her shirt, then sliding along her bare skin. Well, if we get caught, maybe I'll get kicked out of the army and at last, I can get back to my life. Such haphazard reasoning prompted her own hands to go exploring.
Mel arched, catlike, and melted into the hands that now caressed her breasts. She closed her eyes and flung her head back. And smacked it against some low beam with a quite audible thud. Then groaned. Texas-sized stars danced with abandon in the black field of her vision, a result of giddy arousal and sudden head pain.
"Oh!" Janice cried softly. "Mel, are you okay?"
"Ow," mumbled the scholar in reply. "There goes the romance, I reckon." *
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Her mixture of romance and humor is so unbelievably good and unique that I believe a newly coined phrase is in order. Hmm, Romur? No. Ah, of course. She's a humantic!
Okay, so maybe youre not terribly fond of serials? Usually, just about the time youve almost forgotten them, the bard will decide to post another installment? Well, I read ATCOTW some time ago, and yet when I started TSH I immediately recalled the characterizations and the atmosphere of her old story--simply an astounding task for someone as low on memory cells as me! I do have to forewarn those who are squeamish at the mere thought of those dreaded words: To Be Continued... But, what can I say? I think Darkbloom and her stories are well worth it!
*The above excerpts are from PART IV. As of this review, PART IV is the most current update to THE SECRET HISTORIES.
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Oh sure, I know what youre thinking, Another Janice and Mel story? Oh, I dont know, sell me baby, sell me.
Well, I do aim to please; so heres my pitch: Imagine one of those Bogey and Bacall movies and twist it queer like a lime in your gin and tonic. Mmm hmm, SOUTHERN COMFORT is too much fun. It felt like I had sinned and gone to Heaven. Check out the opening paragraph and tell me this doesnt grab your, ah, attention:
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She was tall, dark and Southern. The second I saw her walk into my office I knew she was trouble. No, not the small nickel and dime type of trouble that you can walk away from with nothing more than a wrinkle on your nicely creased chinos. No, her kind of trouble could topple civilizations. It was the worst of the best kind and it was spelled s-e-x. You could see it in those long legs she teased me with through the slit in her milky white skirt. Yeah, it was there all right. It rolled off of her like the smoke of a Cuban cigar, sensual, hazy and hypnotic. Just the way I liked it. I was in danger, serious I-should-run-to-papa danger. I kept on my thin leather jacket, just in case I needed to make a quick exit. (1)
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Bactads got the language down pat, like she grew up on these old gum shoe dramas and their sexy stylization. Everything rings true from the dame whos too much trouble, but whom no woman can resist
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He smiled as if I would find that appealing. Instead, it made me want to smack him. The skinny man got up from the chair and sat on my desk. "You knows I dont understand yous. Youre one hell of a looker but you go around doin broads." I looked at him and regretted giving my gun to Meg. "Im thinkin," he continued, "you just need a good man. You wanna try a piece of China Dave?" (2)
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And what would a story of this type be without the too slick, handsome fiancé, that causes our two gals nothing but agony? Here they have a blessed moment alone:
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"Take your time." He smiled and I closed the door to my office. I turned toward my desk and was caught by the sight of Mels perfect postured back. Ah, now this was awkward. I didnt realize I would be alone with the Southerner. I took a moment to straighten out my tailored vest and run a hand through my hair before I moved back into her line of vision. Jesus, I was primping for her. What next, nose powder? Not in this lifetime, sister. I moved purposefully toward my desk. (3)
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So why did I perversely enjoy every minute of their torture? I have to say, I think I smiled all the way through SOUTHERN COMFORT.
Okay, just so everythings on the up and up, this is an ongoing story as well, so be prepared. I dont want anyone upset that they come to the end of the story only to find those words: To Be continued"
All I can say is, believe me sister, this is a story worth waiting for. ;~)
2 SOUTHERN COMFORT: YOUVE NEVER BEEN NOWHERE PART ONE
3 SOUTHERN COMFORT: YOUVE NEVER BEEN NOWHERE PART TWO
As of this review, Part Two is the most current update.
If you have questions or comments you can e-mail me at:
prosper4@hotmail.com
Unkind Comments will be wasted.
Update: 021499
(c)FEBRUARY 1999
Reviewed by Anima
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